Faking It
by Lady Merlin
Summary: It feels good to be real. Someone's POV on faking it, and then meeting House and learning to be real. Won't disclose theme, but not so dark. Not slash, no pairing. friendship. one little bad word... one-shot


I enjoyed this one in terms of writing, but not in terms of content. It made me sad to think this, because some of this is personal experience, but it's probably true. And Wilson always struck me as too perfect to be real.

**Warning: Dark!Wilson (strong HxW friendship)**

He knows he should feel something when his cat dies, but doesn't really feel it. Snowball was his cat, and yet his mother cried more than he did. His elder brother noticed, and told his parents. They sent him to a therapist. The therapist said that children dealt with grief in different ways, and that they shouldn't worry about his lack of outward emotion. It would come pouring out when he wanted to share. He went along with it. He knew it was probably a better idea to not tell them that he _really_ didn't care.

There was no grief when Grandpa Max died, and he knows something is dreadfully wrong with him. He doesn't understand the big hoo-ha about sharing emotions and stuff, but knows it's normal. Not feeling is probably not a good sign, but there's no one to tell, so he stays mum and fakes it. He's good at faking things. He always was.

Now he fakes everything, things he knows he should feel. He's 'perfect'. A model citizen, but he knows he could kill a man without second thought, and it would be so breathtakingly easy. Life is too fragile to have been intended to be long.

When he was in college, his guidance councilor, simpering and sweet, asked him why he wanted to become a doctor. He was good looking back then, and knew it. She wasn't that old, so he played along, flattered adolescent. He couldn't possibly tell her he wanted to become a doctor for the fame and the respect, could he? All children thought like that, but he was no longer a child. So he scammed it up. _His Grandpa Max had died of cancer, and it had affected him in ways which he didn't want to talk about. He had decided that he wanted to contribute to society and give back, so that other people wouldn't have to go through what his parents did. _

She wrote him a fantastic letter of recommendation.

He knows something is dreadfully wrong with him, in his head or something. He doesn't feel emotion, but some days he feels so alone, because there's no one else like him, and even if there was, they'd be faking it too. He feels so detached, so inhuman, so he tried to feel human.

The biggest difference is the pain of emotion. So he tries to hurt himself. It works for a while, and then it doesn't. The scars fade quick.

Perhaps this is why he is so attracted to House. House never pretends there's something where nothing exists, and he admires him for that. House is brilliant, in more ways than one, but he feels physical pain, and in that way he's realer than him.

He drinks coffee and wears pocket protectors and follows the rules, so that people _adore_ him, and so they never see that he doesn't care when that green line goes flat. He doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, is always polite, everything's perfect, and no one sees through it. No one except House, that is.

House is an unbelievably perceptive man, and he sees these things like normal people see trees and bushes. He is also unbelievably tactful, and has never openly confronted him about it. He knows House has considered it a million times, but never acted on it because part of him is still fooled by the façade.

House is interesting, very enjoyable to be around. He is the incarnation of recklessness and fun, without the emotions that come with it. He fakes emotions very well, he knows he does, but House's sense of fun takes away the fakery. It becomes truly fun, for the first time he can remember.

Riding House's bike way above the speed limit and juggling scalpels in emergency rooms gives him a kick, which nothing else does. He finds that he can enjoy, and he can be sad when the enjoyment is over. So many people wonder why he lets House walk all over him. He doesn't, not really. When House does something insane, he pretends to care, pretends to be hurt, pretends hatred, but doesn't feel it. And then he pretends he's forgiven the poor man, because he's a friend, and has had a hard life. And then it goes back to normal, and starts all over again.

House knows this, and plays along. It's a good game. Only after a while does he realise that House _has_ been confronting him all this while, showing him that he can have fun, and that he can be real. And one day, when it comes, he realises that he actually gives a damn that House is a cripple. He realises that sorrow fucking _hurts. _He never knew how good he had it, until he didn't have it anymore.

He sits by House's bed for days, as he lay in his death-like sleep, and mourns for both the loss of his friend's leg and the loss of his emotional numbness. He sheds a tear or so as his eyes burn with something he doesn't recognize. He realises that he suddenly cares for more than himself, and he's _fucking_ pissed. He wants to beat House up, for doing this to him.

Yes, oh yes. Looking back he _knows_ House knew what he was doing. Slowly, layer by layer, stripping away his defenses, until he was left unshelled and unprotected. Oh, when House gets better, he'd gonna kill 'im. And it occurs to him that House may _never_ get better, and sorrow wracks his frame, yet again.

He's no longer numb, and no longer fakes the feelings. He may fake the opinion and the concern, but when it comes to House, sorrow and pain and joy are familiar. He's a wreck, relatively speaking, considering he's never been a wreck before, and it's a heavenly relief when House wakes up. Relief is quickly replaced by concern and anger, but he's okay with that. Emotions can be appreciated, each one completely unique. It's like a buffet, all the different flavors. And he's okay now, okay with not being okay.

And he likes not faking it. It feels good to be real, to feel like someone who can be touched and seen, not locked up like a doll. And he's kinda grateful, and memories of emotionless-ness fade away. He forgets.

But House never does. He never forgets how he was when they first me.

Destroyed on the inside. And if it was the only thing he did right, he'd be happy, because House always wonders if he managed to make Boy Wonder better.

Well? Told 'ya it was dark. :D R&R can???

Love,

Lady Merlin


End file.
